Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
two words: eviction party
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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