I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
