It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
