Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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