Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
