i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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