Your face is a jimmy john
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
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