what day is it and did you see me today?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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