Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
