Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
organizing the empties. That sober.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
