Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
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