I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
