Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
