She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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