a queef is a wish your heart makes.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
