I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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