dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
