dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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