Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
