hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
