we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
