Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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