matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
