I think im going to throw up on grandma
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
