This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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