Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
