it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
okay pat passed out under dana's car
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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