and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
