I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
