Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
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