He uses pillows to masturbate.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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