There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
