my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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