k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
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