I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize