I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
