you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Sober January is a disaster.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
porn star boner night. come get it.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
