THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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