i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
