I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
