I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
