Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
50% drunk capacity currently
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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