i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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