I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
