Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
