i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
