I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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