he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
