i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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