I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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