If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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