The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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