like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
