If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
