And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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