I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
