i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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