i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
