I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
