Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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